guy #1 - obviously on the path to ed hardy/true religion/mark nason douchebagitis
guy #2 - chronic manscaper, girls can't figure out why he just isn't into them
guy #3 - wonders why his xxxxl nordstrom shirts always look wrinkly under his xxs gap sweaters, also a face licker
guy #4 - shops at express, but not metrosexual due to emo-ish haircut and ironic facial expressions