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Hilarious Nature Story, WARNING: ADULT THEME

post #1 of 79
Thread Starter 
When I was camping with my Dad and brother about three years ago we had been hiking all day and about noon came upon a river. There were two bears in the river fishing in a rapids area. We were too scared to get close but we watched them for probably an hour or so. We saw one bear fishing in the river for a while slashing at the water but coming up with nothing and then he finally caught a salmon. He brought it out of the water but he just held it under his paw in a really shallow eddie on the side of the river while the other bear kept trying to catch one for himself. This was strange, the other bear not eating but just holding the fish under his paw in the eddie, but we didn't think much of it and just watched other fishing bear. About five minutes later he did catch a salmon for himself and when the other bear saw this he grabbed his fish and they both walked together over near some bushes where they would be out of sight to anyone nearby except that we were above them on the ridge so we could still see them. It was really strange, the bear that caught the first fish dropped it out of its mouth and it had no bite marks or anything on it, we were looking through binoculars, and it just set the fish down and held it to where it was looking at the other bear and its fish about six or seven feet away. Then the other bear got one claw out and removed most of the guts from its fish, it was still alive and thrashing. When the other fish saw this it started frantically twisting flopping and screaming under the bears paw saying "oh god, oh god, please god, nooooo!", and keep in mind we are almost 100 yards away and its screaming so loud we can clearly make out what its saying. Then the bear grabs the gutless fish still squirming, leans back on his butt and slides the fish over his erection, using the hollowed out salmon body to masturbate. About this time I threw up a tiny bit in my mouth but it got worse, the other fish was hysterical and sobbing and then it loses consciousness. About this time I noticed that there was a tripod with a camera on it filming the entire thing near the bears, i could see the beeping red light. The bear finished masturbating with the hollowed at salmon body its body now destroyed and nasty covered and filled with the bears sperm. Then the other bear grabbed a bag from beneath the tripod and pulled out a latex Mr. Rogers mask but it had zippers for the eyes and mouth and he put it on, undid the zipper for the mouth and then ate the salmon body the other bear had just used to masturbate. It was probably the most unbelievable and most unnatural thing I have ever witnessed in nature besides seeing two boys dog have it with each other.
post #2 of 79
Uh...ok?

If the story had stopped at the bear using the fish as a Fleshlight, I might have believed it...I heard a great story from a friend about a male kangaroo who started copulating with a female at a zoo...then, in front of a crowd of onlookers, "pulled out" and pretty much finished himself off. Animals practice birth control too!
post #3 of 79
I'm confused and grossed out. You lost me when the bear grabbed a Mr. Rogers mask!?
post #4 of 79
I'm afraid that it's a fable, in order that the bears were actually human...
post #5 of 79
I just thought it was pretty stupid and not funny in the least.
post #6 of 79
wtf?
post #7 of 79
do they call their act the aristocrats?
post #8 of 79
^hilarious
post #9 of 79
what the fuck?
post #10 of 79
Thread Starter 
Ok I will admit that it didn't actually happen it was just a dream I had. The cats out of the bag its a fictional tale, but humorous nonetheless.
post #11 of 79
Thread Starter 

.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sultrysiren View Post
I just thought it was pretty stupid and not funny in the least.
I would be offended if it weren't for the fact that it was just a dream I had and not a story I wrote with the intention of being received as funny.....

actually ges wut?....

It WASN'T A DREAM, it was a story I wrote, based on a dream I WANT to have.
post #12 of 79
^ The pedo forum ( Hosted by pedo bear / I guess you would hit it off with him, because seemingly you like bears ) is downstairs...
post #13 of 79
Thread Starter 
it should also be noted that while it doesn't work for the story since their would be no way to know this, that in my dream the fish are brother and sister.
post #14 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by sultrysiren View Post
I just thought it was pretty stupid and not funny in the least.
For once we agree
post #15 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddiconner View Post
For once we agree
Not true. I have agreed with you before but just not on social matters.
post #16 of 79
I saw almost exactley the same thing happen on an episode of "Nature"
post #17 of 79
Quote:
Originally Posted by badgerskunk View Post
I would be offended if it weren't for the fact that it was just a dream I had and not a story I wrote with the intention of being received as funny.....

actually ges wut?....

It WASN'T A DREAM, it was a story I wrote, based on a dream I WANT to have.
If you are going to write stuff like that it is a good thing you are prepared to be offended. Maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad if it wasn’t a novel.
post #18 of 79
^true!
post #19 of 79
i didn't think i'd ever say this, but OP, you could really learn a lot about writing from the dudes who write the "letters" for penthouse....
post #20 of 79
Thread Starter 
Let's examine this for a second and be really honest with ourselves. Are you really upset because you think the story was poorly written and completely without any redeeming social value, or is it because we are talking about animals engaging in a less traditional form of sex? This coupled with the fact that you assume I myself must be sexually attracted to bears in order to want to have a dream like this I feel is the real reason for the disgust. I assure you that I myself wouldn't dream of mating with a bear in real life, ya right, in a bears dreamz! ha ha seriously though
post #21 of 79
Thread Starter 
ORRRRR, could it be as simple as the story containing the word "sperm" that has people up in arms? if you wish I could replace it with the word sp*rm or just $%$#$, would that make you feel better? I mean come on we are adults here there is nothing weird or gross about sperm whether it be bear, human or the like.
post #22 of 79
post #23 of 79
^^It just fucking sucks. Its that simple.

Edit: under badgerskunk
post #24 of 79
it was a waste of my time - if you give me back 5 minutes of my life I'll tell you it was good.
post #25 of 79
Uh, yea that was creepy. No salmon for a year, thanks.
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