Back Pocket Humor

From San Diego State University’s Daily Aztec newsletter, we found this humorous article about the back pockets of designer denim.

“Seven Jeans, True Religion / I say no, but they keep giving. Designer jeans are to the 21st century what powdered wigs were to the 18th century. The back pocket stitch dictates everything from what girls should be wearing today to Bush’s next fiscal policy adjustment. You’re standing on campus in a crowd of girls. Another female walks past and immediately every woman you’re standing with is checking out her butt. They want to see what jeans she’s wearing, as if her inner secrets are detailed on her back pocket. Something catty usually follows. “Really!? Sevens? Those are so last year, she must not pay attention,” or “Wow! Citizens are what my mom wears.” For those of you who feel like I’m speaking a foreign language, here’s a guide to the “colored terror threat levels” that make up the world of couture denim.

True Religion Back pocket logo: Horseshoe. Habitat: Standing near Parking Structure 6 making sure no one parks within four spots of new Mercedes. This girl is loaded. Her dad owns three (maybe four) nightclubs and a yacht. If he doesn’t, these aren’t “True” Religions. She probably thinks she’s better than everybody else, but then again, she probably is. It’s that personality that takes her straight to the top of whatever she might be doing – daddy’s black American express helps too. How to find out what else she wears: Know what you want. If you’re still figuring out who you are, or don’t own a small country, don’t even think about it.

 

Rock & Republic Back Pocket Logo: Stylized/bejeweled R. Habitat: Drunkenly dancing with her sorority sisters on the jumbotron at the football game. Money? Check. Preppy-rich girl attitude? Checked at the door. Not only is she super hot, she’s also probably the first girl on the dance floor when “Soulja Boy” hits the stereo. She’s not afraid to let her personality hang out – she wears it on her legs. She’s busy, productive and knows how to get stuff done. Down to earth, but likes to look good. How to find out what else she wears: She got tired of the guys at her elite prep school in eighth grade. She wants the guy who’ll steal the golf-carts at the country club. Play the rock-star, not the republican.

 

Diesel Jeans Back Pocket Logo: Long V. Habitat: International student center, setting up game of polo with three ultra-stuck up European exchange students.The big V means one thing. Culture. This girl has probably seen the Eiffel tower, the Sistine Chapel, the Tower of London and walked the streets of Milan. Her prom-date actually flew in from Monaco. She has a case full of sunglasses to wear at the French Riviera and her Louis Vuitton covered suitcases are stuffed with clothes worth almost as much as one of her private jets. How to find out what else she wears: Lie. Photoshop an album of several exotic locations. You’ve hunting with Saudi princes, dined with forks made of real pearl, and donated money to remodel the Taj Majal. No real man can top what she’s done, so make up a life.

Seven for all Mankind Back-Pocket Logo: Squiggly-line. This is a girl that knows what she likes. She has her little group of friends and isn’t afraid to let people know how she feels. Some might think she’s sporting jeans that were the trend a few years back, but I’d be surprised if she cared. How to get her: Remind her of dad. Be nice, pay for dinner, study. She’s turned on by 4.0s.
- Faryar Borhani is a journalism sophomore who’s checking out the pocket on your jeans as you read this. This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.”

Is this assessment right on or way off? What does it mean if we own all of these brands – and we aren’t rich or snobby?! Just addicted to finding deals HF & Ebay!

Images courtesy of Nordstrom